Yeah, I know. But it's like icecream after a football game. Win, lose, fuckup, do well- you still get a treat.
[ A lot less wholesome but come on. After that first frantic run it just got better and better, easier and easier. Half the time what he plans ends up not happening anyway but he likes to dream. ]
[ Guns, knives, various ways of coming close to really hurting each other. Risk and reward, something to dull the edges when they were too close to ripping into each other for real.
Not something he anticipates being an issue between him and Taylor. ]
[ All he's getting is a deadpan, long-suffering look. Cute nicknames are not a thing they need, and he finally disentangles his hand from York's as if in emphasis of this fact. ]
A lot of what we did could fall into that category, in fairness.
Hurting one another was a part of it, as much as anything else.
[ Choking Felix until he shut up. Digging in with nails or teeth when he struck a particularly painful barb deep, taunted him, bit him back. They were too useful to one another to severely injure, but they delighted in these smaller inflictions.
Unhealthy, he knows now. ]
It became normal. Who we were. I know now that's not the way it has to be. Not the way it should be. But at the time...
We haven't really...dipped in to painplay aside from the odd spanking or ball yanking.
[ Heavier stuff- they get banged up enough in the field if they aren't careful (but they are) and he doesn't need that same bruised ache to prove this isn't a massive hallucination.
[ Quietly, Locus nods. Just once. It had been enjoyable, at the time. The dynamic between Taylor and himself would be different, the need to retaliate gone, the real fury and hate behind it gone.
But when Taylor hurts, it's good. So good. A way to push him into that floating place Taylor goes when things get intense between them. ]
Short bursts. Sharp, individual, brief. Longer, sustained sensation tends to blend into the background. The instinct is to bear it, then push it away. It doesn't work as well.
[ He's already analyzed some of this, to a point, trying to understand what was enjoyable about it for him on his own time.
[ It might seem an odd specification to make, but he knows what knives feel like. His mind already has mental shortcuts for the sensation. Smells. Sights, sounds.
He'd need to be very certain of where he is and who he's with. ]
[ He's more curious what Taylor's thoughts would be for himself, but here they are, exploring the pool of options. It seems as good a time as any to ask.
And the thought of him being bound up, squirming and hazy-eyed is appealing, no question there. ]
Leather cuffs and shit? No. It's too much like work, I spend half the scene thinking about how to get out and not about what's going on and nobody's happy.
[ But- ]
Rope, now. knotwork, rigging, shibari- that's entirely different. But you couldn't just leave me alone like that, I'd need a hand on me or something. A way to know I wasn't alone.
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[ A lot less wholesome but come on. After that first frantic run it just got better and better, easier and easier. Half the time what he plans ends up not happening anyway but he likes to dream. ]
Should I be worried?
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[ Locus cocks an eyebrow slowly. ]
How opposed are you to keeping our firearms on hand?
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[ Wait what? WHAT? ]
I- you. What?
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If you're opposed, I won't bring it up again.
[ Though that could just be surprise. It's hard to tell. ]
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[ Didn't he just have a dream about that? He thinks he did. It's hard to remember. ]
Um. Yeah no that would...really. Really work for me.
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I see.
[ He'd thought of it before now, there just hadn't seemed to be a proper time to ask, to gauge interest. Consider it gauged, then. ]
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[ But um. Damn. ]
Never actually done that before, though.
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[ Guns, knives, various ways of coming close to really hurting each other. Risk and reward, something to dull the edges when they were too close to ripping into each other for real.
Not something he anticipates being an issue between him and Taylor. ]
Though I'm certain it would be different, for us.
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[ Just a little. It's on the extreme side of things (by a lot) but-
He trusts Locus. That goes without question. Even D hums with his approval despite the risks. ]
We can do some research to fill in the blanks, make sure w're safe, all that shit.
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[ He almost wrinkles his nose at the name but refrains, eyes straying elsewhere. ]
We were not taking precautions at the time. I would not suggest repeating that particular method.
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[ One of these has to be acceptable. Or at least ridiculous enough to earn either a glare or almost laugh. ]
Yeah that...seems like a poor life choice. And when I'm the one saying that, you know shit's bad.
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[ All he's getting is a deadpan, long-suffering look. Cute nicknames are not a thing they need, and he finally disentangles his hand from York's as if in emphasis of this fact. ]
A lot of what we did could fall into that category, in fairness.
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Somehow I am not surprised by this. I mean- angry sex can be great. Really...really great. But it's a good way to get hurt.
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[ Choking Felix until he shut up. Digging in with nails or teeth when he struck a particularly painful barb deep, taunted him, bit him back. They were too useful to one another to severely injure, but they delighted in these smaller inflictions.
Unhealthy, he knows now. ]
It became normal. Who we were. I know now that's not the way it has to be. Not the way it should be. But at the time...
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[ Heavier stuff- they get banged up enough in the field if they aren't careful (but they are) and he doesn't need that same bruised ache to prove this isn't a massive hallucination.
But... ]
If you wanted to get into that...I'm down.
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But when Taylor hurts, it's good. So good. A way to push him into that floating place Taylor goes when things get intense between them. ]
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What made Locus' eyes go fuzzy in the middle of it. ]
What kinda pain works for you?
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[ He's already analyzed some of this, to a point, trying to understand what was enjoyable about it for him on his own time.
Results have been varied. ]
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[ It might seem an odd specification to make, but he knows what knives feel like. His mind already has mental shortcuts for the sensation. Smells. Sights, sounds.
He'd need to be very certain of where he is and who he's with. ]
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[ Plans are forming, here. Lots of flogging falls into the 'sustained' category but they've got options if they poke around. ]
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Locus hums, considering. ]
Haven't tried. Seems like it should be feasible.
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[ He's got...most of what they'd need for all of these somewhere in the bunker, he's sure. ]
Estim might do it for you if we rig it right.
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[ He's more curious what Taylor's thoughts would be for himself, but here they are, exploring the pool of options. It seems as good a time as any to ask.
And the thought of him being bound up, squirming and hazy-eyed is appealing, no question there. ]
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[ But- ]
Rope, now. knotwork, rigging, shibari- that's entirely different. But you couldn't just leave me alone like that, I'd need a hand on me or something. A way to know I wasn't alone.
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